Well, I basically blinked and now here I am sitting at my desk and it's the tenth week of the semester. WHOA! Time is absolutely flying by. Anyway an update on where I'm currently at with school and my faith.
October has been an absolutely CRAZY month. Exam after exam, assignment after assignment, things never seem to stop. Thankfully with the start of a new month in eight days things will slow down until finals the first week of December.
There have been times this semester that I have wanted to throw in the towel. I was overwhelmed when the amount of work and information we had to know amped up. There came a point where I had absolutely no motivation to do anything related to school and I wanted to quit. I think we can agree that we all reach these kind of road blocks in our lives. I mean we'd be kidding ourselves if we said we didn't right?
What do we do when we reach a point where we feel like quitting? Do we quit? Do we change our plans? How do we stop feeling like the world is crashing down?
I feel like quitting, I feel like giving up so I ___________.
Fill in the blank.
Let's take a glance at a couple of different ways to finish this sentence.
1. Change my attention to something else.
This option was very real in my life a few weeks ago; an option the can be useful when supplemented with option two which I will discuss in a little bit.
Option one.
1. Study for school
2. Become overwhelmed
3. Get frustrated
4. Resort to playing the piano or doing something else to avoid studying
Did my frustration and state of being overwhelmed dissipate as a result of directing my attention elsewhere for a little while? Yeah, I'd say it did. The real question is though, did the need for me to study and complete assignments go away? Short and sweet...no.
I found myself in a vicious cycle. Study...get frustrated...stop studying...do something else...repeat. This cycle went on for days. I just didn't want to do this grad school thing anymore, I was too frustrated and I had had enough. I love playing piano don't get me wrong but it was really just a temporary fix to something that isn't going to go away until I graduate in 2016. What is option one missing? Well it's missing option two.
2. Rely on Christ.
As much as it pains me to admit it, my relationship with Christ was lacking during this stretch. I was so focused on school and school alone. I wasn't in the Word and I wasn't talking with the Lord. I was going to church but that was all I was doing. Church would make me feel good on Sunday mornings and Monday nights (I attend the young adult church service led by the church I attend on Sundays) but that was it. In one ear and out the other. I was trying to do it all on my own. SPOILER ALERT! It didn't work. I broke down. How am I going to do this? How am I going to graduate? Looking back, I was foolish. I can't do this on my own. Last week at SOMA (the young adult church), we took a look at Matthew 14:25-32.
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage? It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it is you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boar the wind died down. THen those who were in the boat worshipped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
We are all like Peter, we think we can take on life's challenges on our own. And for a while we will be able to hold our own, but then a storm comes and things stop going our way. We absolutely must fix our eyes on Christ. I know that we may have times of doubt in the Lord's plan, I get that, but when we encounter those times of doubt we need to refocus. Refocus on the One that knows the future, the One that knows His plans for you. It's funny how things work out. When our faith in Christ is tested one of two things will happen. 1. Our faith in Christ will be strengthened. 2. We lose faith in Christ and head in another direction. We must must must must continue to seek the Lord, His guidance and continue to strengthen our faith. I can't do this grad school thing on my own and I found out the hard way, BUT Christ and I can do it together. WE can do it together.
We all need both options. We need time to ourselves to do the things we love BUT we also need Christ. Option one is a temporary fix, option two is a permanent fix. If you ask me, it's a no brainer which option I'm taking.
Please continue to pray for me for focus and motivation in times of frustration. Pray that I will continue to seek the Lord when I become frustrated, overwhelmed and all aspects of my life. Thank you all for your support. I apologize for not posting as often as I would like!
Brandon
